well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
