I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry about my life...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
