his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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