gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
