How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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