All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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