I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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