This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
