Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
