The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
