Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
