Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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