what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
