I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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