i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
