Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
