i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
