There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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