Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My hand turned me down
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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