an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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