New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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