Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
