we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize