Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
