...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
