Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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