i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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