I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
