Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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