The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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