True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
