Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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