i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
