Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
