you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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