Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
