Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
