it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
