Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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