i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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