Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
