meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
