i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
