So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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