Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
false alarm. still invincible.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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