We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
