Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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