I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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