new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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