i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
