my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
