if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
