she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
