So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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