A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
