I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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