we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
