i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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