cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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