Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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