What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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