I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
