The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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