I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
