And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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