Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
