Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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