I wannas sexs uuuuu
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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