she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
