Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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