Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I could fuck to npr.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
