He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
