That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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